and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
