Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
did i walk over a car last night?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
