I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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