I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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