once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
