3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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