Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
