I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
