Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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