I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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