I murdered the dance floor call the cops
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
