Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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