Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
