i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
