I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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