I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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