wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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