What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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