dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
