You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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