I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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