lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
