My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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