It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
