So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
