Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize