Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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