rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
