first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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