please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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