Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize