I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize