just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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