he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
