Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
