Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
