she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
