my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
