i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize