You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Less talking, more tequila
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I lost the right to judge tonight
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
