what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize