I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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