I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
