Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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