dude i'm inner monologue high
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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