It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
