we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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