Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
