PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
