Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
