I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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