ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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