1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
