you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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