Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize