OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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