i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
