Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
