You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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