he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
