Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
