you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
