I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Acid is not a monday night drug
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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