How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
