If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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