I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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