Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
