Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
