I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize