halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
