Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
