i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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