Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
