And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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