Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
