he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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