I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
