imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize